Optimism

I never quite know how my life, my writing and my feelings come across on here.  I know tons of family and friends read my blog and I have a few people that I do not know in real life reading this thing.  It can be a bit intimidating knowing that all these people know my thoughts and feelings on such a personal level.  But I guess the fact that I write it and put it out there is a bit like an exhibitionist in a way.

Anyway, I wish that I could see my life and this journey that I am on through someone else’s eyes.  Does it appear simple, easy, challenging, unbelievably absurd and stupid?  I have no idea.

What I do know is that I continue to have this overwhelming feeling of comfort and ease from what I am doing.  No, by ease, I do not mean laziness.  I mean a sense of calmness in my heart and soul.  As in, I have a sense that I am at ease in the decisions that I continue to make.  In my heart, I know they are the right one’s for me, at least for right now, and that is so reassuring.

When I look at my schedule and my life, it completely is upside-down and so different from what it was just three months ago.  I probably would have scoffed at the idea of working until 9PM or some days working on Sunday’s.  But somehow, none of these things feel like work or like a chore.  I am enjoying tutoring so much, especially my math students and my SAT prep kids, that I get almost excited for each session.  You know you enjoy what you are doing when an hour seems to go by in a blink of an eye.

But none of this has been easy.  I have to stay on top of myself and stay motivated.  I have to realize that the tutoring sessions will die off some during the summer and I may need to figure some other source of income during that time.  More writing would be ideal. There are days where I do not feel motivated and do not want to write, but unfortunately, I have to force myself to produce something of a respectable caliber.

I think more than anything, what I want to come across on my blog is that I am thriving.  That this journey is so much fun and I continue to amaze myself.  I am so proud of where I gotten to, but I am not settling at this.  I am interested, excited and a bit anxious about where I will continue to go.  The beginning was quitting the job, not the end. I just assume that having a drive that is centered in my heart and having the support of my family and friends (in particular Justin) that nearly anything is possible.

To Smile.